I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
What's a ghost's favorite drink?
Ghoul-aid!
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
