Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fish with no eyes.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
What is blue but smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"
Condoms are for pussies.
Cleveland Browns
The pilot goes "We're going down!"
The other pilot yells "Down like your syndrome?"
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.
What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?
The baby you just feed nails to.
What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong.
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
A man (Ameenya Sheed) texts another man (Bob) and said,
"Hi, I'm Ameenya Sheed."
Bob: "You're not in my shed because I don't have one, but I have a garage. I don't think you're in there."
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."