Worst Jokes Ever
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
Guess Stephen's batteries died.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
He's dead now.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Don't trust the atoms, because they make up everything.
Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?
A. Because he has excellent string theory.
Have you ever heard of the eye tear?
Me either.
What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?
Helliphino!
Cancer
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?
My life.
Wanna hear a joke about corn?
Never mind, it's too corny.
Want to hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it's too cheesy.
If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay?
Bagels.
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
Wanna hear a joke? You.
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.