Worst Jokes Ever
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
What did Sally get for Christmas? Ligma?
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was hit by a bus.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Thanos snapped.
What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
Cao ni man sha bi lalla shabi.
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
Why?
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
So my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a ‘single’ joke. Then she said, "Go and f***ing die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF I will break his body for you. Happy now?"
She said, "Sniff, yes."
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.