Worst Jokes Ever
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
Oh, hail no!!!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotopuss
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:
While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.