Worst Jokes Ever
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
Assalam alaikum, bitches.
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”