Worst Jokes Ever
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Your Parents
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
You're gay, lol.
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
An orphan died. No one cared, why? Who is supposed to spread the word? His parents.
I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8
Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.
What's wrong with my friend?
He's called Dobby Coleman and has a massive jaw.
Imagine being named Colby and you burn yourself.
The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because of my short hair. I mean, what did you expect? I'm gay, of course, I have short hair.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.
So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"
The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.