In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.
I mean, I don't see why not.
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
I was on a plane and my mom said, "It's just a little turbulence."
And I said, "Mom, we just got on the runway!"
What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of comedy? Stand up.
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Give me the most likes on this site.
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
Why don’t clams like to share?
Because they’re very shellfish.
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?
Tan toes.
Why did Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you could read her lips.
