Why is Mrs. Grapes ð a good mother?
Because she loves raisin' kids.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
What does the policeman say to the jumper?
"Hey! Pullover!"
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.
Why did the cantaloupe ð jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon ð.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
âĒTerminal
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Leprechauns are stupid. No joke.
Are you a toaster?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the side that he was not on.
My life is a joke.
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
You a cunt.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
What do you call a cat ð that is glued down? A big cluck.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.
When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."
When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
