Yo mama so fat that when she attempted suicide, she bounced to Area 51.
Hillary for president.
I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.
Why don't Bald Eagles like fast food? It always runs away!
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
Please drop a like.
What instrument can a skeleton not play? An organ!
What instrument can a skeleton play? A Trombone!
What's a fish's least favorite instrument?
A ClariNET!
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
Stephen Hawking is the fastest footballer ever--he could just charge up the Left Wing!
What's bald and can't grow no hair?
A kid with cancer.
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."
Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Roses are red, my blood is too, And i've been seeing it alot more, since i've lost you
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
Apparently, rock bottom has a basement.... :\
Dinosaurs be like:
".......My friends are dead, like bruhhh."
You wanna know what i have in common with a apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree
