Worst Jokes Ever

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.

A: Is that why I never see you sweat?

What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

A pickle.

What mountain do people like to race on?

Mount Rushmore.

Get it?

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)

What do you call me?

Chinese?

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

You're the reason the middle finger got created.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Police.

Police who?

Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!

What would you name a mummified squirrel?

Perhaps... Mumford?

A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.

You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.

Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?

Because for them, love isn't an open door.

Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?

Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?

Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.

Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.

Son: And you got $0.00.

Stephen Hawking isn't dead; his update is just laggy because he is too far from the WiFi box.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?

Turn on the gas chamber.