Worst Jokes Ever

Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.

Brother: Your nuts!

Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."

Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"

Shooter: "Oops."

What do you say when the toilet is clogged?

Oh shit!

Why are priests called father? Because it's not appropriate to call them daddy. Also because it is embarrassing.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I got the joke from my brother.

Kid: Hi Mum!

Mum: Hi, Loser!

Kid: Why?

Mum: You loser, why? Hahaha!

Kid: Waaaaaaa!

I know this is not funny, but who cares?

Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.

My teacher: Time can't count.

Me: Every second counts.

My teacher: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh!

What is white and sticky?

Glue.

When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"

Why should old women never eat seafood?

'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

The suicide squad.

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.