Worst Jokes Ever
Hi! I’m going back home.
What has 8 heads and no legs? A monster.
I’m going to be busy having dinner soon. I have internet for Christmas 🎄 and I have some Christmas.
Mvccfffghhhhggv.
What did I do with the internet?
What is black, white, and red all over?
A sunburnt zebra.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?
I don’t have a Mercedes.
Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?
Wife: You have good eyesight.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Normal person: "I'm perfect!"
Goth person: "Nobody is."
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.