Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw em
What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?
I don’t have a Mercedes.
Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Husband: I look fat can someone compliment me?
Wife: you have good eyesight.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Normal person: "I'm perfect!"
Goth person: "Nobody is."
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.
I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.
When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
Orphans are human, too! They just don't know who their parents are or where! I know four sisters named Mariah, Kariah, Lariah, and Iariah and they said they are orphans, too! And they are sad and they don't like your jokes!
Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!
Stop posting things on orphan jokes then!
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan?
Because it has no home button.
