Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.

Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask 😷 on her pussy? She wanted to protect herself from covid, but she did try to put a mask 😷 on her dildo, but the mask 😷 keep falling off the dildo.

🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them

I bought drugs today.

Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?

Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!

Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?

I will make more jokes tomorrow.

My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.

I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

Why did the dumb blonde take a shower outside of the house while it was raining?

Because the dumb blonde did not pay the water bill!

I always say I'm single, which annoys my wife.

My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!

Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy!

I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...

What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?

*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*