I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.
Have you heard of China...
China fit this dick in your mouth.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
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What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is!
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
Why do orphans want to be criminals?
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
Why couldn't the Orphan play baseball?
Because he couldn't find home!
Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
Why can't orphans go to Home Depot?
Because they do not have a home!
