Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months?
He lost May.
Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
What's an emo's favorite game? Fruit Ninja.
How to get your joke on every category? Michael Jackson, towers, morbid, emo, school, short, penis, sects, little Jonny.
"Nancy be like I sucked my way to the top."
Nancy be like, "Don't do drugs, do cock!"
Nancy, the throat goat!
This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
Why can't Michael Jackson ever win in a race? Because he always comes in a little behind.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!
Rope: Hey buddy! Want to hang?
Me: Maybe I can hang later...
Cock: Can I have attention from your Dad now?
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.
Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!
Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.
Girlfriend's ex: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.
