My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
Worst Jokes Ever
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
What do you call an adopted orphan?
Wanted.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls.
Nice! Angry Birds really has improved.
A pastor asked his child what his favorite bible verse was... He responded, "Keep watch," because he wanted a watch.
Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.
Because it would cut itself.
What do Afghanistan people love about bombs?
They're black and go off.
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
Why do orphans not like 1st-5th grade teachers?
Because they have a home room.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
I AGREE WITH EDP.
Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.
"I'm very good in sports."
"In which sports?"
"EA Sports."
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
Which word is also called for women's prison?
"Pridaughter."
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
