Worst Jokes Ever
*walks into sex shop*
Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.
I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.
It's a sad state of affairs.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression f**ks you harder.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
Q: What do you call a person with Down's syndrome who smokes weed?
A: Baked potato.
Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?
He thought his son sucked!
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"
Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
When you cream pie a tardy hottie, it’s called a loaded potato. 🥴🦴💨🥔
Why did Michael Jackson become white? He wanted to be like a ghost, and I have any feeheet.
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
You're so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.
Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
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What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.