Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home to run to.
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?
A s'more.
"Apple bottom cringe boots with the kek (with the kek) got the whole club looking at Shrek."
Q: What is the favorite song of the people who window dived out of the Twin Towers?
A: "Free Fallin'"
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been so busy!!!! I miss y'all, though!
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
Thank you so much for helping me get to 20 followers! I'm so happy, every time I look at my followers going up, it makes me so happy. I can't wait to keep posting other things on here! <3
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
I'm all panic and no disco.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"
I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"
