I wish my grass was emo because then it would cut itself.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese, but it's only mild.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
Wow, these jokes are lit.
Some might say even killer!
What did the plane say to the towers: "Can't go over it, can't go under it, oh no, we got to go through it."
What is long, hard and has cum in it? Cucumber.
What is a 3 letter word that starts with S ends with X and has a vowel? Six.
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.
Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
Two windmills stand at a farm. One asks the other, "What is your favorite kind of music?"
The other windmill replies, "I'm a huge metal fan!"
