Worst Jokes Ever
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Light him on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Coff- na, jk, bleach.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
Why were 7, 8, and 10 scared?
Answer: 9/11, of course!
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can’t find home.
What do you call a flat-chested emo? A cutting board.
Hello, welcome to abortion pizza. Your loss is our sauce.
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*