Why do most orphans cook for themselves?
They don't have a home cook.
Worst Jokes Ever
What's Link's favorite porn video? The Legend of Zeldas Sucking.
What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?
Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?
He wanted to clean out the blanket.
Your mom is so hairy that King Kong got jealous of her.
What do you call an orphan's family portrait?
A selfie.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
What cheese do monsters eat? Monsterella.
What do you call a deer that has no eye? No-eye deer!
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
Who loves walnut? Wallace!
Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!
What instrument do skeletons use? A trombone! Haha!
For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.
Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."
Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"
Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."
Why did Hitler's cookies taste bad? He forgot to clean out the oven.
