High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Person: Sure.
Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.
Person: Dear God...
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?
Because momma never raised no pussy.
Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.
They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...
By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.
Enjoy!
"Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"
After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.
Never search up "monkey with blue balls."
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
