Need jokes

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)

What do cake and baseball have in common?

Both need batters.

You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.

Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?

Have a look at her face!

Why can’t orphans go on field trips? Because they need parent permission.

Why did the orphans go to the church?

Because they need someone to call "father."

She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.

Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.

Does your cat scratch you?

Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.

I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.

How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.

Yo mama so fat, she needs 17 iPhones to take a selfie.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.

Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.

Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!

As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!

A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,

"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"

The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.