*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
Need Jokes
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
The orphan wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
I have an orphan joke.
But it needs parental guidance.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?
All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?
Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.
Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?
Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
What do you call a notorious special needs student with an extra chromosome?
The double trouble.
Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.
