*SO IM sittin hear smakin on some cheese ball bb-q my titties* and then i saw the most the a shoe got shovel to r all the way up my ass i cried then turned around and said *MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!* the turned around punched the got smaked in the face went in for another punch got smaked in the face then people staring at me I said Wtf r u starin at i punched as hard as i can then got knocked out i though this *this isnt over motherfucker imma find u and kill u* next thing i new i was in the hospital they told me why tf were u fighting a stops sign? I said what u were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign i sad bitchi aint crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka
You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!
Must. Escape. Meme. Existence is what meme stands for for some haters
So if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
"White people can't jump"...
"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka they guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey that’s some nice jewellery you have there it must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It costs me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain eh.
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer. You’re a hypocrite that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right I m living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
Bully: "Nobody loves you." Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions ..you must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate and you must never hold on to any beef . " The Angel then disappeared. The man did as was told and became generous and kind ..as he emerged from the betting office with all his money... he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person..each and everytime. He ,however couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what . When he died the Angel came back for him .. "But I'm undeserving I can't come with you" he said .. "Yes you can" replied the Angel , "you gave all your stake ( steak) away"
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.
So a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist. “What seems to be the problem?” The therapist asked. “Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” They said. So the therapist replies, “oh dear, that must be a problem.” “Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open and the light is really bright.”
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
Why did the glacier send the ice berg to college? Because, in order for ice to exist, it must retain a temperature of less than... ZERO DEGREES; at the atomic level.
When fat people smash it must feel like a huge submarine hitting u
Your dad must be a mailman
He's homeless. Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Sheer) survivor...The other :No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
A retired george w bush is eating a donut 7/11 and looks at it "im so happy i did that' a guy over hears the conversation and says "your happy you bought that donut. Oh haha I would be too i love donuts!" george w bush then says "oh hahaha you caught me" and then says "you must of heard me wrong i said, im so happy i did 9/11"
