Mother's jokes
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
The pie tasted weird today.
Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother.
Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do orphans only have 360 days?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's days.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?
Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.
Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"