Mother's jokes

Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:

"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"

Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"

Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."

Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.

Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

What makes Mrs. Grape 🍇 a good mother?

Raisin' her kids!

Why do orphans only have 354 days?

'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!

What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.