Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish." Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god" Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld"
Mother: "Yeah I picked you up at the giftshop on my way out" Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan"
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school
So I had him bring my wife
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes. I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
A boy asks his father:
What is politics?
Father answers:
It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business . Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future.
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
So, can you now explain to me what politics is?
The boy says:
Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit.
mum: why are roses red? child: stop, mum, you never make jokes. mum: i made you.
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not. Not yet says little Johnny so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, I saw you kick the chickens so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either. Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says you want to tell him or should I?
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered, You breastfeed like this🌬💨
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
