What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children
You are the joke
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because Feminists can't solve problems.
What's a convicts favorite chore.
Weeding.
What's a lesbians favorite type of food?
Finger-Food
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
What happened to the blind man's son. He thought he was hitting a pinyata.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff? Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!!
duck my sick
Whats better than throwing up a stillborn? Making your wife eat it again
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife
Why are babies called bundles of joys? When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
“What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?”
“A broken nose..”
