Morbid jokes
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.
Why was the broom late? Because it had overslept.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
What's the square root of your dead?
9/11.
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.