Mood

Mood jokes

Invasion

    • Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.

    We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?

    Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.

    Razor

    • Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

    Mood memes

    Robot

    • A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.

    The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.

    "New around here?" said the bartender.

    "Nah, been here a while," said the robot.

    Bartender "You can talk?"

    Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."

    Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"

    Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"

    The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.

    The robot seems to be just like a normal human.

    "Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.

    "The top minds in the world," said the robot.

    The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."

    Bartender, "What?"

    "Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"

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    • State

    • My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”

    Suicide

    • I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

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