Mom Jokes

I asked my mom where babys come from she said I came from the adoption center.

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says” alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here” his mom comes rushing in and says” little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!” After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says,” ok, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in be kitchen”

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

Son: mom what is dark humor? Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!! Mom: exactly!

A kid is watching tv and sees an ad about adopting an animal,he then turns to his mother and says “do we have to adopt a donkey” “no” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it......we adopted you”.

one day I came to my mom and said "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"

mom: "no you can't.."

me: *throws butter out the window* me: "look I made a butterfly!"

lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it jokes on her she doesn't have any fingers.

Eric's mom asked to his son why his bag is heavy and if it is because of books. Eric replied "No, magazines"

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die Me : No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing i'll do

Teacher: Where were you born? Student: The highway Teacher: What do you mean Student: I don't know my mom says thats were all the accidents happen.

This is how my mom always threatens me: I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too. That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now. He just moved back in with his mom.

A kid asks hims mom "mom how much do you love me" the mother responds with "i love you as much as i love your brother" the kid looks confused and says "but i don't have a brother" the mother smiles and says "well i guess my love is not existing