Misery jokes
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
My day started out great until I woke up.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
My sad ass life.
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
what's worse than a baby in a trash can? A baby in two trash cans.
I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.
My life.
Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?
Because I am one.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
Want to hear a joke? It's called life.
What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?
- One dead baby in five garbage cans.
Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂
Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.
If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.
My horrible life.
I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.
Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.