Misconduct Jokes

Priest

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

School

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

Bank

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

Celebrity scandal

Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"

Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."

Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"

Kid

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

Rape

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

Rape

Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.

Prison

Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.

He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.

Pastor

The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.

He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.

Rape

Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term "struggle snuggle."

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  • Expulsion

    Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.

    Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!

    Monkey

    Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

    One fell off and bumped his head.

    The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

    “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

    Rape

    It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus.

  • 1
  • Zookeeper

    Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!