Miscellaneous jokes
Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!
Year 10 English.
My life.
Kill me, please.
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
What is the butt’s favorite computer?
The Tushiba.
Knock knock. Who's there? Apaches. Apaches who? Apaches on your eye.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Helen Keller walked into a bar.
Then a table.
Then a chair.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I’m bone to be wild!
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!