Miscellaneous jokes
What’s Steven Hawking's fav[orite] food?
WiFi chips or his shoulder?
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."
I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
I
FCC’s
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I like fire trucks and monster trucks.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?
A quack head!
My mom must be a duck then...
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
Year 10 English.
Your family.
Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.
He also forgot to pay the power bill.
If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.