Miscellaneous jokes
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
He doesn't want to be spotted.
Have you seen the new movie "Constipated"?
No, it hasn't come out yet.
So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.
He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.
Your daddy must be a drug dealer, because you're dope.
What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?
Fruit punch.
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes! Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
Me.
The joke is as short as me.
Oof, you're gay!
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.
Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
Anyone who makes fun of Prof should go to hell.
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Answer:
To prove it wasn't chicken!
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they? In fact, they don't age at all.