Men jokes
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
A: Guess what kind of men/women do gold diggers like?
Q: One that has a sense of money.
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.
What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
Boys are like minis.
Girls are like big pots.
Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.
Being gay is the most masculine thing that is possible because only men can be gay.
Why do men lick girls' boobs in sex?
'Cause they are just boys.
I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."
Why do men get great ideas in bed?
'Cause they are plugged into a genius!
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!
Water bottles, strong, Standing tall, like sturdy men, Quenching every thirst.
Clear and transparent, Reflecting strength and resolve, Resilient and pure.
In hand, they offer Refreshing relief, like hugs, Soothing every soul.
Water bottles, like men, Nourish and hydrate our lives, Simple yet vital.
Why do more women than men oppose abortion? Because they prefer not to get raped.
Why don't heterosexual men want to suck bananas because they taste like octopus and squid?
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."