Men jokes

What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?

Mixed nuts.

What do squirrels and men have in common?

They always want a nut.

Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

Why do black men have nightmares?

Because the only one that had a dream got shot.

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

Q: What do you call 6 gay men in the army?

A: Rainbow Six Siege.

Why do bisexual men 👨 👩 👨 love gay men bisexual men don't love gay men 👬 👨 👨 they just wanted to suck gay men's 👬 cocks 🌭 🌭 because they 👍 👍 like their 🍨 🍨 🍦 🍦 cream filling 😋 ☺ 💕 💖 🤗 😊 😋 ☺ 💕 💖 🤗 😊 😋 ☺

Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:

A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.

B. That men are actually treated unequally.

SO

we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."

(I'm a trans man myself lol)

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.

Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?

cocks of African-American men