1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
Will you remember me in 7 years?
(Yes)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sugar Honey Ice Tea.
I FORGOT MY JOKE!
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
I was born yesterday, and I walked down memory lane. I fell over the edge!
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.
I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
