I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
I wanna ram your PCIe slot.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
Will you remember me in 7 years?
(Yes)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sugar Honey Ice Tea.
I FORGOT MY JOKE!
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
What makes a software developer feel rich?
Their cache.
