Mechanism jokes

What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.

What happens when a clock is hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.

What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?

An Amish Mechanic.

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.

What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's parents?

The clock actually comes back around.

What do you call a clever clock?

Clockwise.

Why did the car key never fit in?

He was too door key.

My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.

The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."

The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."

Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?

Because they have a break down.

As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

What does a robot do after a one night stand?

He nuts 'n bolts!

Why is the Moon red today?

The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.