Maybe Jokes

Yo momma is so dumb that she couldn't even get three words into this joke. Maybe that's why she gave it a thumb's down...

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?

You call me ugly, but maybe that is why we look alike.

Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!

Me: Nothing, why?

Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.

Me that/every night: *sob*

Friends: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, fine.

Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...

The image is a comment from user ElderMaxson69, saying, "Maybe instead of riding a dick, you would prefer riding in a set of T-60b Power Armor? Join the Brotherhood of Steel today and take back the commonwealth. Ad Victoriam!"

Keep rolling your eyes and maybe you'll find a brain back there.

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.

"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

"And then?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?

Him: No, have you seen where it is?

Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.

Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?

Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.

Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.

Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.

Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.

Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.

Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.

Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.

Kid: It's not an Apple product.

Indian poor dad: It's a banana.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?

What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.

Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?

His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.

*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.

LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!

Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.

Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?

When men watch football but not the women's version maybe there.

Hey, the biggest distraction will never be my tattoos in this facility if you understand what I am saying.

But in all seriousness, welcome to the biggest frat party taking place near the ocean. I am most likely going to tell my family this or maybe not, depending what's going down. I am very adaptive through different circumstances.