Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You’re not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter." So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!" And then she died.

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes)

  1. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick

  2. I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

  3. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

  1. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

  2. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

  3. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

  4. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I was at a football match and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me face palm

Give a man a match he’ll be warm for a while but set a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Why do brides wear white?

So the match the kitchen appliances

can a match box? no, but a tin can

Can a box match? No, but a tin can.

WHAT BURNS UP A FOOTBALL STADIUM??? A FOOTBALL ’ MATCH ’

What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

You know, Ebay sucks. I was looking for a lighter and it gave me 18,906 matches

Hey God what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire

sounds like a match made in heaven

How do u turn a baby into a dog? Douse it in gasoline- light a match-WOOF

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt… Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn’t

Can a match box? No but a tin can.

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