Make jokes

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.

Q: Why are the 49ers called the 49ers?

A: 'Cause they can't make it past the 50-yard line.

What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?

The cow didn’t make it.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

How does the Eskimo make a house of cards? Igloos it.

Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”

I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.

I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.

Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"

Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"

Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."

Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"

Husband: "Gold, of course!"

Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."

I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.

What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?

One makes your day and one makes your whole week.

What's it called when a Black person makes a joke? A joke, you racist.

JK, dark humor.

I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.

I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"

He gave me a book.

It was the Quran.

I said, "What the hell is that?"

He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."

I wish they taught 9/11 at school.

It would make these jokes more explosive. 🧨

why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?

He kept making strikes.

This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."

Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"