Make jokes

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?

Most people: No.

Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.

Why do orphans play GTA?

To make them feel wanted.

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

Which band doesn’t make music?

One Direction.

If my cat was a cactus, doesn't that make him a catus?

I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.

It's just too tear-able.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.

How do you make a lesbian upset?

Give her a multiplication test.

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"

Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

Comedian: "I-"

Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"

I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"

Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.

Carly: Hey do [you] want to have sex? [Age] (43)

Zina: No! [Age] (10)

Carly: Good cause I can make you do it anyway! [Age] (43)

What do you spot in this place that [is] gay!

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?

Because he always makes spider-sense.