So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
What do you call a mushroom that makes music?
A decomposer.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
