God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!
What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?
They both make vegetables.
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
I saw Simba walking slowly.
I told him "Mufasa!"
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
Do not trust atoms! They make up everything.
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
Weedle will make you high.
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
