Love jokes
A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.
And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.
And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.
Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus.
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
Sisters before misters.
I hope you get better.
I love you.
#takemebacksophie
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?
My joke is about Archer, riddles, sex life. Wait, sorry, there is none.
Thanks for reading Archer’s love life story.
What?
Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.
(I love oil!)
Yo mama so fat, she fell in love with a skinny dude and tried to hug him but crushed him.
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
Wife: Honey, I love you.
Husband: I love you all.
Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.