Love jokes
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
Wife: Honey, I love you.
Husband: I love you all.
Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?
Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
Y'know what's really sad?
Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
Answer: Because they never knew what love was.
Everybody loves "appreciation." So that's what I named my dick.
The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!
I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.
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