Your friend lost his left arm and After getting Out of the hospital you ask him if he’s OK He says yeah I’m all RIGHT
I took my son to a drivers school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident" (I gotta go pay him out of jail)
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son. Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is Allahu Akbar
Your forehead is so big, Megamind though he was your long lost sibling. (me)
I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why are they crying They said: Because I lost my parents I said: lets find them they cried harder so I walked out of the orphanage.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Today is sad my sister got hit by a car and I lost my license as a driver
Wanda and Daredevil have so much in common. They both wear red, they're both in Marvel, and they both lost their Vision!
why are amercians so bad at class royals because they already lost 2 towers
Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost there lives on the ice? There calling the movie The Lost Boys.
Why do orphans like boomerang more then there parents? The boomerang comes back
One day I saw a kid cry so I go. Let's go find your parents. I miss my job at the orphanage
why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room
Why does the U.S Goverment doesnt play clash of clans
Because they lost 2 Towers Already.
Why does Britan suck at chess?
They lost their queen.
I ran into a kid today now im in jail and i lost ma drivers license
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one." The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week, guess you could say it was a brief case
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron." The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yes," the first says, "I'm positive."
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe
(found on web) There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”.
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls”
