Lost jokes
A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
What's the same with your dad and Retail Row?
They are both off the map.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
Why don't orphans like getting lost?
Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"
Why are Americans so bad at class royals?
Because they already lost 2 towers.
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
John pretended to be a doctor.
Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."
John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"
Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."
John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"
Motu said, "I lost my memory."
John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
The twin towers were just tryna take after the leaning tower of Pisa, but they lost their balance and fucked it up.
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔
Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.