Loss jokes
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.
How do you get an orphan sad?
You say you will tell their mom that they have been a baaaaaad boy.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?
Her miscarriage.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?
Because they can’t find the home button!
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find a home.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
The second worst thing to happen to these orphans!
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"