Loss jokes
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
The pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales.
A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service.
"I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..."
"That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door throughout the community and sell what you can. You can give these away, but donations are always accepted since the word of God is the most important message."
"T-t-t-t-th-th-th-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father... i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll s-s-s-s-se-se-sell what I c-c-c-cc-can..."
The pastor sends the man on his way.
About an hour later to the pastor's surprise, the stuttering man returns with an empty box and $200 cash.
The pastor is completely shocked, but is ultimately filled with joy as the church could use the funds more than ever, not to mention the community is that much closer to God's message.
So without asking questions, he happily sends the stuttering man on his way with 2 more boxes of Bibles.
"T-t-t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th-tha-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father, i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll be back s-s-s-s-s-soo-soo-soo-soon."
Exactly 2 hours later the stuttering man returns, only this time carrying 2 empty boxes and $500 cash.
The pastor is at a loss for words. So much so, that he's questioning whether the stuttering man is coming across these funds legitimately.
He pulls the man aside and asks, "Son, while myself and the church thank you for your efforts in selling these bibles, we want to make sure not to take advantage of common people. Most of my volunteers take upwards of a month to sell a single box of Bibles, and you've sold 3 boxes in a few hours. May I ask what you're telling these people when you approach their home?"
"W-w-w-w-we-we-well f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father it-it-it-it-its qui-q-q-q-qui-quite s-s-s-s-s-s-si-sim-simple."
"I ju-ju-ju-ju-just ask the-the-th-th-th-the-them if th-th-th-th-the-the-they'd l-l-l-l-li-li-li-li-lik-like to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-buy a b-b-b-bi-bi-bi-bible or if they w-w-w-w-w-wa-wa-wa-wan-want me to re-re-re-rea-read it to them."
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
If I make fun of orphans, they will cry to their parents.
Oh wait...
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked, and the other doesn't.
Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."
Student: "That’s sad."
Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"
Student: "Your parents."
I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.
What's a benefit of being an orphan? The chips always come in a family size :)
What do orphans call a family photo? A selfie.
Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?
Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
They can never find home.
Why did the orphan fall out of the tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
When an orphan finds out who their parents are, and then finds out they're dead.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They don't know who daddy is.
What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?
My dad went to get both and never came back.
Why do orphans can't play baseball? They don't know where home is.
What do Nemo and an orphan have in common? They can't find their parents.
Why can’t orphans have sex, my friends? Why? They have none to call daddy.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.